its 10:08PM in Paris, France.
I have fallen out of love&lust with Cloud, finally after a year of holding onto a ghost lover. I’ve realized that I won’t give myself to someone unless they care about me. That’s half a lie, like for example I’ll still go out and fuck a man if I want to, but that’s only if I want to. And only because I probably don’t ever wanna see that guy again. Yes, I’m gonna use him but its fine. Ça va. I won’t see him again and it’ll be like it was a dream.
Why would I give my body and kisses and love time and attention to some stupid fellow who doesnt deserve me? And by that, I mean
so i think i like this guy. which annoys me because i like him and i dont think he’s emotionally all-there. i understand. but i’m also afraid because we’re friends and he has potential to hurt me but i trust him not to. but do i trust him? not really. i’d like to.. #trustnobitch #trustnonigga
really, i guess this post is to remind myself that
1. men are a liability
2. i’m only gonna have sex with you if you care about and appreciate me
3. but if i fuck you i dont want to ever see you again
4. i want an emotional connection
5. boy bye unless you prove yourself
regarding 5., i dont think that i can be friends because its for what.. we are/were friends but if i like you its no good for me
i wont fuck with emotions and i wont put myself in a place of utter vulnerability unless i know you’re in it, too. and i don’t think you are.
i am amazing
i am beautiful
i am passionate
i am strong
i am natural
i am bubbly
i am special
i am one of a kind
i am my own
sometimes i forget that i have people reading this, but whatever.
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”