ritualistic

its 10:08PM in Paris, France.

I have fallen out of love&lust with Cloud, finally after a year of holding onto a ghost lover. I’ve realized that I won’t give myself to someone unless they care about me. That’s half a lie, like for example I’ll still go out and fuck a man if I want to, but that’s only if I want to. And only because I probably don’t ever wanna see that guy again. Yes, I’m gonna use him but its fine. Γ‡a va. I won’t see him again and it’ll be like it was a dream.

Why would I give my body and kisses and love time and attention to some stupid fellow who doesnt deserve me? And by that, I meanΒ 

so i think i like this guy. which annoys me because i like him and i dont think he’s emotionally all-there. i understand. but i’m also afraid because we’re friends and he has potential to hurt me but i trust him not to. but do i trust him? not really. i’d like to.. #trustnobitch #trustnonigga

really, i guess this post is to remind myself that

1. men are a liability

2. i’m only gonna have sex with you if you care about and appreciate meΒ 

3. but if i fuck you i dont want to ever see you again

4. i want an emotional connection

5. boy bye unless you prove yourself

regarding 5., i dont think that i can be friends because its for what.. we are/were friends but if i like you its no good for me

i wont fuck with emotions and i wont put myself in a place of utter vulnerability unless i know you’re in it, too. and i don’t think you are.

i amΒ 

i am amazing

i am beautiful

i am passionate

i am strong

i am natural

i am bubblyΒ 

i am special

i am one of a kind

i am my own

sometimes i forget that i have people reading this, but whatever.Β 

Please vote for my friend Caitlin #10 to be the next NBA Dancer for Clippers Spirit Dance Team! ☺️😍 @caitlinjoyyy

Please vote for my friend Caitlin #10 to be the next NBA Dancer for Clippers Spirit Dance Team! ☺️😍 @caitlinjoyyy